And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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