He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
