i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
