I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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