Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
