I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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