her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
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so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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