We named our party play list daddy issues
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
