every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
