In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize