true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I look better un-naked...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
