Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize