Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
