Got a toothbrush?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
