dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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