no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
