he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
