I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
