i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
