i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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