I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
