When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
