you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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