Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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