did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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