I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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