chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
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