Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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