Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
