first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
