she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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