oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
