Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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