Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He is an equal opportunity slut.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you never un-have a 4some
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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