remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
