yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
