Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
