Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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