i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Will exercising make me less horny?
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