it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
