she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
