It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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