Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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