He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
