someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
His nipple licking is glorious
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