dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
