Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
