remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
