He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
