I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
