Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
