So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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