I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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