We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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