Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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