He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
