I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
