haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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