I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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