you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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