I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
