You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
