i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
