i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
