sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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