I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
