thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
