I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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