I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
