i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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