remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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