For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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