the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my sisters under your porch take her home
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
