If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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