He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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