Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
