So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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