Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Randomize
