...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
