"it" just moved
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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