In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
